1. |
run
03:02
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|
I never want to be at home
‘cause i know I’ll find you there
guess I’ll turn around and wait
can’t risk seeing you today
because I don’t know what to say to you
about how you make me feel
I guess I’m afraid of you.
I live my life in fear
but now,
I only see you in my dreams
and I can’t sleep
I’m scared to see what you’ll do to me.
you hurt me
constantly
coercing
threatening
telling me how to use my body
how many times must I say no?
now I’m done letting you run me
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2. |
escape pt. 1
01:52
|
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|
how many different ways can I not say the way I feel?
when I’m with you, I tiptoe around the grave
tell myself it’s for your sake
but what about me? what do I need?
it's obvious to me
I’m just looking for a way to exit gracefully
an escape
we could try to work it out
uncover the way we feel about the rift that’s open between us
but all you ever do is shout
so I pull the plug
I cut and run
but am I going towards or from?
I guess I’m done, too late to ask
file under past
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3. |
escape pt. 2
02:17
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4. |
want me
03:45
|
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|
you only want me when you’re feeling lonely
or in between your sheets where no one else can see me
but that’s not who I’ll be for you, or for me
‘cause I need something healthy
and that’s not what you offer
I’m losing sanity from what you’ve been prescribing
and I know that you know that you don’t want me,
so tell me, please, so I can leave
and then I’ll know that when I dream about you
you aren’t dreaming of me, too,
and when I wake from sleep you won’t be lying next to me
‘cause you’ve been lying next to me
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5. |
body heat
02:34
|
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|
driving next to you, I’m lying to myself
I thought that I knew how you felt
But I still lay there with you,
Kept lying to myself
I don’t know why I do the things that I do
maybe it makes me feel better? like i’m not all alone
feel body heat beside me in my bed, in my home
kept putting myself out there
like I’m looking for a cure to the emptiness inside me
but I know it’s not you
it’s me
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6. |
thirsty
03:39
|
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|
I’ve been listening to every word you said
I’ve been listening, but you stopped talking
so i’ve been filling in with a means to an end
too many different poisons in my body
makes me feel like ending it
‘cause I’ve been drowning every night
then driving in the moon’s clean light
it creeps into my mind each time
when the sea is over to my right
and I hear it call
it looks so calm
I want to feel that calm cool water on my face and in my lungs
‘cause I’m still thirsty, I want to dive right in
Will I swallow up the Sea or it me?
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7. |
often
06:19
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|
where were you when I needed truth?
I thought you’d know how I felt
when I wanted to leave my body on the highway
driving sideways
‘cause you’d call me often
about the shotgun
said that was your plan to leave yours
and I was there when you needed me
‘cause I needed you to stick around
and you’d call me often
I still hear your voice, trembling
that tone you’d always get after dipping into your collection
boxed up bottles in your basement,
‘cause a hobby is not a problem
and i was there when you needed me
‘cause I needed you and, I still do
But it’s different now.
You’re not around.
So where were you? I was letting myself drown
So where were you? ‘cause I called you often
but I’m stronger now that I know how to be alone
I’m at home within myself
I wish I could thank you now
but you stopped calling.
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Evelyn Gray Portland, Oregon
music for anyone who has ever been made to feel like something was wrong with them.
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